forming your kitchen table: on receiving sisterhood — mariah maddox
“Your kitchen table is your safe haven, a place to rest in the storm.”
—Michelle Obama
i’m not sure that i had more than a vague understanding of community, and its undeniable importance, until i became a mother. prior to, i convinced myself that i had little to no need for others, that i could manage a few surface-level, feel-good friendships and cast all else to the wayside. this was due, in part, to the scourge of friendships i had earlier vested myself into that grew to feel inauthentic and no longer aligned with who i was becoming. because of an undeveloped understanding around the trueness of “serving seasons”, at the time, i adopted the belief that i was better off alone and less vulnerable to being hurt this way. i was wrong.
when i got pregnant with my son, a desire for genuine sisterhood began growing in my core. after giving birth—and especially experiencing the loneliness of postpartum—it became nonnegotiable: i needed community. i yearned for deeper connection, and not just the intimate connection that i share with my husband or the blood connection that i share with my kin. i needed a kitchen table. i needed a community made up of sisters who would journey with me, laugh with me, cry with me, and love me at my lowest as much as they would at my highest.
we often look for this type of connection only in intimate relationships, forgetting that they can take place in our platonic relationships as well. at the same time, we forget that those platonic relationships are a central part of us. without them, we wouldn’t fully understand who we are. without them, we wouldn’t experience the vibrancy of connection.
you have to be willing to get to a space of being open to receive. for me, it took some work. but once i realized that i was deserving of genuine, unconditional sisterhood, i committed to the pace of the journey. i had to heal my wounds in order to relax, unclench, and lean into community. it wasn't easy navigating or grieving the traumatic experiences and perceptions of past friendships while trying to open myself up to new ones. i had to work hard to keep myself from self sabotaging good connections. i had to really open myself up in a way i had never done in platonic relationships before. but once i started doing the work, my kitchen table began to form.
after a long day, my kitchen table is where i let out a deep exhale. in the midst of storms, my kitchen table catches my tears. in moments of beautiful awakenings, my kitchen table gathers with me in joy. my kitchen table is firm and reliable. i feel safe showing up fully as myself. i feel safe being vulnerable when going through trials and tribulations. my kitchen table is a communal sisterhood; always offering, always filling, and always receiving.
every woman needs a sisterhood. it’s crucial to the making of our beings. we were created for connection, for community. find those who will weather your storms with you. find those who will roll over in laughter with you. find those who will celebrate your wins. find those who will pour into you—and allow you to pour into them in return.
if you’re trying to weave together your kitchen table, perhaps these tips will help you navigate your journey:
1. do the inner work
heal past friendship traumas
acknowledge your flaws and mistakes
close the doors that no longer serve you so new ones can open
open yourself up to receiving
unclench your fists
open your palms
2. acknowledge that you are deserving
of love
of community
of sisterhood
3. take heed of the importance of alignment
surround yourself with people who will help fill each other’s plates, everybody eats
but still hold space for healthy dialogue around differing opinions, because they will exist
4. make the commitment
understand your friendship needs, and communicate them
learn the languages of those in your sisterhood, and love them that way
in the words of michelle obama, “your kitchen table is your safe haven, a place to rest in the storm.”
and that is something we all need.
mariah maddox is a passionate + dedicated creative who, through her work, strives to cultivate beautiful portrayals of the black community and the spaces in which they exist. her work is solely focused on navigating the narrative of black womanhood/sisterhood/motherhood while seaming together her own existence as a black woman, mother, and wife. mariah is a photographer, writer, and author of poetry books “beckoning of the wind: an ode to motherhood” and "to wilt and bloom," which are available on amazon.
BY MARIAH MADDOX
(SHE/HER)
social:
@mariahmaddox_
@viewsbyri