survival mode, sensuality, and regaining control — brianne patrice
“an elder once said to me, “sometimes you just gotta take your hands off it” and i never knew what that meant until one day i just stopped fighting. i stopped trying to force, manipulate the situation and allowed things to happen as they were meant to.
”
by definition survival mode is an adaptive response of the human body to help us survive danger and stress. so many of us are all to familiar with this trauma response as we have learned to go through the motions of life, doing what we need to do just so we can ‘get by’. survival mode is when our flight-or-fight response is activated and living in this state of being can exist for days, weeks, months and even years at a time.
when we experience trauma our survival brain takes over calling for impulsive reactions in the name of self-preservation. our ability to problem solve and/or make sound decisions are both compromised in the interest of immediate safety. most of us don’t even realize that we are living in survival mode. survival mode in particular has plagued the black community for so long that it no longer feels like a trauma response or a state of impermanence but instead has become who we are— a second identity. during prolonged periods of trauma one’s primary thought process is to just get through the day or to make it to the next moment, the next minute. and as black beings, black bodies just ‘trying to make it’ is our everyday reality. black americans make up for one of the largest groups of people of the nations poverty rate (25.8%). as reflection of that, we often are left to make split decisions leaving the wellness of our families up for chance. most black americans know what it means and/or still continue to live paycheck to paycheck forcing us to chose between what bills to pay and/or put off, whether or not we can afford both gas and food and being forced to decide what is the safest area for our families to live in without being completely cash poor.
racism, inequality (this includes gender inequality), and marginalization are all economic and social inequalities that mean one thing— lack of access to resources needed to live full and productive lives. as a result members of marginalized communities remain vulnerable to the cycle of poverty. survival mode can cause one to not plan for the long-term because we are left to feel that there is no long-term; that we have no future. so what is the point of planning for one? that is our trauma speaking. and our trauma wants us to believe that we have been cut off and left behind and that our current state of being is and will always be our only human experience.
it is not.
signs of survival mode include:
feeling like everything is urgent
there are no medium or long-term plans; your energy is hyper-focused on the next 24 hours
your sense of security has been disrupted causing you to trust no one
everything is reactive
you feel overwhelmed, like you can snap at any moment despite your attempts to remain calm
you feel alone and helpless
you have no joy and are convinced that this is your only way of being
as a result one might find themselves:
withdrawn or isolated from others
distrusting of others
lying, stealing and/or keeping secrets
constantly on edge
overly emotional or hyper-sensitive
regaining control might sound like it’s an impossible thing for us to do but it is not. it starts with a decision and often that decision is attached to our feelings of worthiness. in regards to my trauma, my mother said to me one day that although i did not ask to be here that it was ultimately my responsibility to see my way out of it. and with so many systems in place, freedom can feel inaccessible to people who look like me. but again, that is your trauma speaking.
this work is not easy.
sensuality is often left out of healing conversations and i believe that is because of our misunderstanding around the word and it’s definition. when the word sensuality is used it is often used interchangeably with the word sexuality. we live in such a hyper-sexual world that sensuality and sexuality are often believed to be the same thing. they are not. sensuality requires one to feel. we cannot correct or change things about ourselves, about our surroundings and our circumstance if we have not taken time to feel and understand them. while living in survival mode a lot of us spend time trying to control things that are ultimately out of our control. we try to rush our way through or attempt to force a situation into moving how we want it to move instead of allowing it to move how it is supposed to move.
an elder once said to me, “sometimes you just gotta take your hands off it” and i never knew what that meant until one day i just stopped fighting. i stopped trying to force, manipulate the situation and allowed things to happen as they were meant to. this was absolutely scary for me. as i am sure it will be for most if not all of you. ceasing to fight can feel counterproductive and can leave you feeling weak as it forces you to relinquish contol. however, it is in this relinquishing that we find the answers we are looking for. that we begin to make sense of things, are provided clarity and direction and begin to embody the change that we have long been craving for.
this work is spiritual.
connecting us back to our core; opening up our hearts and minds so that we can see and think more clearly. sensuality is a constant practice and an everyday reminder that you are safe, that your body is safe and that even in times of uncertainty you are divinely led, supported and protected. while in this work we are in communion with ourselves, our bodies and our environment. our ancestors and our spirit guides. and through this work i have found that joy, love, pleasure, laughter and abundance are not inaccessible. that they have always been and will always be mine because they are my birthright.
this is your birthright. and through this work, i hope that each of you come to know and experience it for yourselves.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
brianne patrice is a sensuality doula and pleasure activist serving as a bridge way for black women to be in intimate community with themselves, their bodies and their environment. by creating sacred containers she encourages the exploration of their sensuality and sexuality at the intersection of healing and wellness. her mission is for black women to know and understand their individual and collective power so that they, through self-care practices and tangible ritual, may connect to their own orgasmic energy— wielding it's power. as seen in xoNecole, Black Girl In Om, Keys Soulcare, Voyage Dallas, Voyage LA, NBC 4 NY, Life, I Swear and more.